Not Being There

I was always there,
even when I was not actually there.
The pain of not being there
is with me everywhere.

Like that Christmas when you arrived,
this Christmas you will no longer be alive.

Lucky to have had you,
I will always be;
and fortunate to have lived with you,
my life will always be.

White and soft like fresh snow,
but warm and sweet like grandma's cookies with me you always were.

When the stars were bright
and gone was the light,
light was still there
if next to me you were lying there.

When I will close my eyes,
I will hope to give you my last goodbye.

Your forgiveness
I will always try to reach,
while sadness and sorrow will make my life complete.
The only peace
my heart will be able to reach,
in my dreams with you will solely be.